Since I'm getting into the swing of the elections, I thought I'd post a few great Bush jokes I heard:

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Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "Boys, I'm the best surgeon in Texas. Ten years ago, a concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second surgeon said, "Sheesh, that's nuthin'. Ten years ago, this young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and four years later he won the gold medal in swimming in the Olympics!"

The third surgeon said, "Hell boys, y'all ain't nuthin' but amateurs. About twenty years ago, this cowboy was high on cocaine and drunk as a skunk, and he rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. And today, he's the president of the United States."

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Little Johnnie was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc.

Johnnie was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and well... he does naughty things...."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Johnnie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No, ma'am," said Johnnie, "He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class. "

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George Bush, Dick Cheney and John Kerry died and found themselves in Heaven, standing across from the Pearly Gates on the other side of the River Jordan. The Archangel Michael was standing on the other side and shouted over to the three surprised Americans, "Hey guys! Contrary to what you have been taught, each of you will have to wade across the Jordan River. You'll sink according to your sins on earth. The more you have sinned the more you will sink into the water. If you make it across, welcome to Heaven."

The three American sages of political lore looked at one another, trying to determine who shall be the first brave soul to cross the Jordan River.

Finally John Kerry, ever the brave soldier, volunteered to go first. Slowly he began to wade out into the river, and slowly the water began to get higher and higher, reaching to his waist. John began to sweat, thinking all of his sins were coming back to haunt him. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see the other side. But fortunately, he was already half way across, and he began to emerge on the river's bank.

As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to see which one of the other brave souls was going next. A shock of surprise registered on his face, as he saw George Bush almost in the middle of the river and only his ankles barely touching the water. He turned to Michael and exclaimed, "Hey, there's no way George Bush sinned less than me! And I won a Bronze Star saving a man in Vietnam!"

Before the Archangel Michael could reply, George Bush shouted back, "Don't worry, I'm standing on Dick's shoulders!"

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Okay, okay, I'll include one Republican joke to provide equal time:

John Kerry, Dick Cheney and Bill Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly. Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.

Kerry shouts: "Women and children first!"

Cheney goes: "Fuck the women!"

Clinton replies: "Really? Do you think we have time?"